Five years

My precious boy,

As I sit here preparing to work on the flower arrangement for your grave site I cannot help but think about everything that has happened these last five years. FIVE years...really? Sometimes, it only seems like yesterday since we last saw you; and then other times it seems so long ago.

I really think you would be proud of how far I've come since the day we lost you. In the beginning days and weeks, I didn't think I was going to make it; but with lots of love and prayers from family and friends, I am here today...still standing. It's a new "normal", as some would call it, because life can never be quite the same as it was before we met YOU. But, nevertheless, it seems to be working out for us until that day when we can all be reunited again.

I wish you could see all of the people that we have met and helped along the way, all because of YOU. But maybe you know this already...What I do know, is that you know EXACTLY why you were called to Heaven before you could be born into this world. I have to admit that I am a little bit jealous of this fact- because then maybe losing you wouldn't hurt quite so badly as it does. But someday, the reasons "why" won't matter anymore because we will all be rejoicing together in the presence of God. You are such a gift, my son, and your story is still touching people's hearts five years after the fact.

A lot of things have happened in the last five years. As you know, you got yourself another sibling up there. I hope you are watching out for Miracle and not causing too much trouble for the angels. :) You also have a new sibling here-- a sister, Sabrina Hope. I must admit, I wasn't too sure how that was going to work out since we had just lost Miracle; but I have learned that she is her own little person. She isn't here to replace anyone; she is here to bring us love and joy and laughter. Above all, her being here has brought us hope- hope that beauty really can come out of the ashes of suffering.

As I close this out, I want you to know that I will ALWAYS love you. Death can never take that from you and I because love is stronger than ANYTHING. I also want you to know that as we move along in this life, you will NEVER be forgotten. Five years, ten years, TWENTY years...as long as I live, YOU will be remembered. You were our son, our baby boy...a human being. As much as the mommy in me misses you every single day, I could NEVER wish you back. That is all part of being a mom- understanding what is best for your kids, and letting go, even when it hurts.

Happy Angel Day, Grant. Thank you for the beautiful blessing that you are. I love you to the moon and back.

xoxo,

Momma