"Heaven's Gift"...that's what we chose to have written on Grant's grave stone. It is also written across the wall in our house that holds his picture frame and shadow box. So simple, really; but it means the world to us. Grant was truly, a gift from Heaven. In many ways. In spite of all this pain and suffering that we have felt, I am able to look back and see many gifts- the gift of seeing a positive pregnancy test for the first time. (with Jake we had a blood test since we were doing treatments) I don't know, but I always wanted to take a pregnancy test and see one with two pink lines- I always wondered what that felt like!
We also received the gift of feeling that sense of "Hey, we conceived without a bunch of doctors present for the occasion!"
If you've ever struggled with infertility you know what I mean when I say this.
As great as all that was, I think the most important gift we got from Grant, was the gift of love and compassion for others. While I can't EVER say that I enjoy this new world of baby loss; I CAN say that it has made me so much more aware of other people's struggles and pain. I think I was so ignorant before this- so wrapped up in all the things that really mean nothing at all. I was judgmental too- never meaning to be, but I think I was in many respects. It's so easy to point fingers at other people and how they are handling different things in their life. But to really sit down and LISTEN- that's all that people want- they want someone to listen. Someone to genuinely care about what's going on. Though I can still use improvement in my listening skills, and perhaps send out more encouraging cards or emails, I can see that I am making a real effort. When I am busy, DOING this ministry, it is then that I feel peace, and healing and progress. Grief recovery is difficult, long, and it involves taking baby steps.
Now that I have been through it, I am able to know how to help someone else. As one of my girlfriends said once, "One can never say that Grant did not have a purpose in his short life- for it was God who purposed him for great things!"
Thank you, son, for teaching me what true love is all about.
3 weeks ago